Remembering someone special
There has been a quiet period for me creatively, with the death of my mother-in-law requiring a step back, to spend some time considering life, people, and memory. It's hard when these things happen and you're left with a hole that takes time to heal, it's not something that can be simply left behind, it’s a process with no end.
Me and Freda posing in front of one of my works at my solo show in 2017
The compulsion to drop into a mire of negativity is strong, but as time passes you remember the positive moments in your relationship, the moments of joy, humour, and closeness.
My memory holds onto the unwavering support she gave me, as I made my first steps into the art world, evidenced in the postcard of some of my earlier works posted on the wall in her kitchen, next to pictures of her grandchildren and things they'd made. It was this subtle support and belief in me that I will hold on to, she was always there with a smile, a question, a genuine interest in how things were progressing.
In the months preceding her death, I took a framed print of one of the recent Abstracted 35 works, she instantly loved it and the picture stayed next to her chair, it made me feel closer to her, connected.
Outside of my art practice, we spent time looking at art of all kinds, and created a three-fold way of articulating how a piece made us feel. There were the "definite no's", "I like it, but I wouldn't have it on my wall" and the "I'd have on the wall". It was always done with a wry sense of humour and an occasional giggle.
Once the dust settled after the immediacy of arrangements and the funeral, the grieving changed, into something that needs to be rationalised over time. I took the opportunity to go to a place of solitude, barely any phone signal to be disconnected from the outside world. A hut nestled amongst the trees in a woodland in rural Shropshire.
This time away helped me adjust, process, and think about the past and the future. It always interests me to see that certain places or landscapes have the power to inspire and comfort, to take time to allow the body and mind time to adjust, and just 'be' - something that I must remind myself is required to keep me grounded and not stuck inwardly.
With love to Freda x